He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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