i would punch a child for taco bell
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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