My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
