I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Found the puke drawer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
