it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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