she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
