You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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