hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
