Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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