Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
