I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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