the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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