I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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