Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
