you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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