Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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