Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
