Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
