She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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