whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
