Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
