Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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