just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
