My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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