She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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