Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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