you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
