There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
