So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
