i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
