My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
