We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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