even my farts smell like vagina
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
