you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
