And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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