it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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