If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
