She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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