That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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