Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
