I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
