Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
