you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
