I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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