I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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