I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
