is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
