How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He passed out mid-signature
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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