quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
