Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
