Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
