She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
