i just google imaged poop.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
