is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
