Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
